Double Nickel Stories
by Tagg N. Ding and Bhagwan Jones

"...litter..." "...grill..." "...pleasant..." "...chicken..." "...Oh no..."



Exterminator

He read the label: Kills deep in the walls where cockroaches breed. Setting the insect bomb, he left the apartment, returning that afternoon. The roaches were dead. Their still bodies littered the floor. The walls bulged, slumped, and cracked under the weight of their corpses.

Firemen pulled his lifeless body from the collapsed building.

Gumshoe

Dead husband, missing will. I've heard the story a million times, but I liked her delivery. I followed the nephew, found the will, killed the nephew, collected my fee, framed her for the nephew's death, and made it through the police grilling with my license and record intact.

Another routine day.

My Murder

I pulled the trigger; the hammer fell on an empty chamber. I've tried Russian roulette--not as much fun. Worked up to three chambered rounds--still no fun. This way, even with only one round chambered, I'm set for hours of pleasant diversion.

Another motorist pulled off the exit ramp. I spun the cylinder.

Relatives

I spend Sundays with family. We bicker, on occasion. We've come to blows--in the past. But family is family. You can't live with them, but you can't leave them. On Sunday I take chicken, rolls, and a bottle of wine to the basement and commune with loved ones.

I'm used to the smell.

Electric Chair

Jolt one burns my nose hairs. The stir-quack presses his stethoscope against my chest. Alive. They can't kill me. Second jolt. My body stiffens, blood boiling, flesh cracking. Stethoscope. Alive. Jolt three. Skin blackens and smokes. Stethoscope. Dead. Hah! They can't kill me. They loosen the electrodes.

Oh no, I can't die!

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